2013 AWP Conference, Boston

So many amazing things to do and see at the conference this year. Admittedly, I haven't been to one of these in a few years, so I was totally blown away. This thing is HUGE! There were something over 12,000 people there, three floors of books, so many panels it was hard to choose sometimes. It wasn't like this in the past. We had a few headliners and everyone flocked to see them. This year there were so many brilliant writers, I was a little star-struck.

Three floors of books just like this room.

I loved this conference, and, too, I love Boston. When I found out the AWP was in Boston, I knew I'd be going. I figured that it would be the last time on the East Coast for a couple of years, so I should go. Having gone, I'm actually considering going next year to Seattle. I met some people I want to stay in touch with. I feel a little invigorated with my writing projects.

Being around so many writers is surreal. People on the plane were going to AWP. Everyone in the van that picked me up from the airport was AWP. Everyone I met, bumped into, passed by in the hallway--writers.

For me, here is the best and worst of the conference.

The best:
No one called it a "con." As big and overwhelming as this sometimes feels, it's still not a con.

I saw Jeannette Winterson, and she was amazing. She has so much energy, I can't picture her sitting still to write. On stage though, she was brilliant. I saw Derrick Walcott, Rosanna Warren, Tim Seibles, Rita Dove, David Ferry, and Olga Broumas. I had dinner with my Uncle Michael, himself a playwright.

I shook hands with Seamus Heaney. Whoa!

I watched Sharon Olds read "Ode to the Clitoris."

And it snowed in Boston. At 3 in the morning, I saw a bunny jumping through piles of snow somewhere in Cambridge.

The worst:
I thought I'd see people. I mean, I thought I'd run into them. I knew they were coming, and I should have seen them. Next time, I'll know to make plans to meet for lunch or dinner or whatevs. There's just way too many people to think you'll casually see them.

I saw Scott Cairns, tried to catch up to him, and then he disappeared into the crowds. I had a moment where I was standing in the middle of a thousand people, and I didn't know if I should turn into the books, go up the escalators, what. He was my thesis advisor, and I haven't seen him in years. I would have liked to say hello.

I didn't get to see Augusten Burroughs or Cheryl Strayed. I didn't get to see Janet Sylvester, but I met someone who showed me where to find her online. I met a stranger who knew her!

She's not a stranger anymore. Debra Monroe knew both Janet and Scott, and we talked all the way to the airport. We're in touch on facebook. I've bought her book. I missed Millicent Accardi, Pinsky, DeLillo, Jorie Graham. And more. So the worst thing is that it's kind of impossible to see and do everything you want to.

I'm already looking forward to Seattle 2014. I'll have to catch up there ~

How I Read Nonfiction

Fiction, actually

I read fiction at night, non-fiction in the morning. Fiction to relax, to gel. Non-fiction is mostly for jazzing up the brain, waking up to a day. If I read non-fiction at night, I get more awake, not less. So I save the fiction for night-time reading.

Also, it helps to have children and a job so that you are forced to wake up so early that it's still dark outside. And know that if you don't write and read then, you might not get to it. For me, it's akin to not having a cup of coffee. If I don't do this, then I am off my game.

I love being up this early and doing this work. I am not a morning person. I would sleep until noon if I could. I don't watch TV. I just don't have time. Whatever I am going to watch will be on Netflix on the weekends, or on a DVD. I go to the movies. But I don't sit on a couch with the TV on at night. I don't have "shows." I am spared endless moronic adverts.

But what I do do is phone stuff. Yes, I check FB, Twitter, The Atlantic, Huff Post, emails. I try not to do this too much before I start to write.

Checking my electronic stuff is a huge time-waster, and I'm getting up early to save time. I wanted to add that so I don't sound all mightier-than-thou by not watching TV. I do stuff. I keep hearing that a bunch of great TV is out now. Cool. I'll watch it when it gets to Netflix.

So I write first, and then I hate to just stop being in this moment. So, I usually grab something non-fiction from the piles I keep next to the bed. I like having a bunch of different choices. You wouldn't want to only have one TV channel, right?

Here are a few of the books:

The Journey from the Center to the Page: Yoga Philosophies and Practices as Muse for Authentic Writing by Jeff Davis

Finding Water: The Art of Perserverance by Julia Cameron

The Mindbody Prescription: Healing the Body, Healing the Pain by John E. Sarno

The Best American Essays, 2012 by Robert Atwan

The Conde Nast Traveler Book of Unforgettable Journeys: Great Writers on Great Places

There are more. I'm just realizing that I don't remember them all specifically by title. There is a book of travel essays. There is a book on how the Outer Banks was populated. There are a few magazines. It's just like writing - a paragraph or a few pages at a time, you get stuff going.

It's dark outside. I make a cup of tea. The day is not yet crayzee.

A Word about the Blog and 2012

So it turns out that 2012 was a blogless year. As far as I'm concerned, 2012 can suck it. I had other concerns, and they pressed harder. So let's start fresh. I'm on to 2013. I'll commit to doing 1 thing a month (more if I'm feeling frisy!).

holiday affirmation

How is it that two seemingly incongruous things so often go together? Love and hate, peace and war, etc. This month it’s holidays and stress. Ho ho ho and bah-humbug!

A friend recently told me about AFFIRMATIONS.

An affirmation is a like a Jedi mind trick from your heart to your brain. It’s a way of letting the steam out of the mental pressure cooker that holidays and family visits can be.

If you start to feel overwhelmed (sales and presents!) or disappointed (the odd Christmas sweater from Aunt Eth, again!) or pressured (20 batches of gingerbread by tomorrow!), you can think of your affirmation for some self-soothing and guidance. Say to yourself, I'm generous; I have a thoughtful family; I'm a good cook.

My friend knows how to do these; she was able to list out the essential elements of affirmations, which I can’t recall from memory, but there are web sites that have more information. Click here for a web site that does a pretty good job of listing parts of an affirmation. I would say that at 9 things, it’s a little much, but I’m no expert.

Dr. Maoshing Ni, a doctor of Chinese medicine, says positive affirmations may be the key to stress-free health. He says that we should repeat positive thoughts in our minds as this affects our health and energy levels.

So here it is, positive affirmation guidelines for the holidays. I’m going to keep it simple.
1. Be positive
2. Be specific
3. Believe absolutely in what you affirm
4. Repeat

The thing is, cut yourself some slack. The more good stuff you feed your brain, the less room there is for the negative. And next month, with the start of a new year, you’ll definitely want to make new affirmations. Keep it fresh. Good luck!

getting down to art

A couple of years ago, Elizabeth Gilbert gave a speech about creativity that I've always loved.

In his own way, Caveh Zahedi is saying a similar thing about artists and art.

"What we admire in these artists is their individuality, their uniqueness. But I believe that all art is 'channeled,' i.e. that it comes from God, however one defines that word. But the modern view of art is that it is the self-expression of a sui generis individual, a 'genius' who is somehow more brilliant and talented than the rest of us."

"The truth is that we are all manifestations of the genius of God. The artist is no different than anyone else except insofar as he is closer to the source of his Being. But today, the artist has acquired the status of a saint, and the culture of celebrity has become our new religion. Only instead of a panoply of saints, known for their virtue and good works, we have movie stars and rock stars as religious icons. These people are worshiped not because of their spirituality or wisdom, but rather because they enable us to project a more grandiose image of ourselves, namely that, like them, we too can be more important and powerful than we actually feel ourselves to be."

-Caveh Zahedi, independent film maker

you don't have to be a genius

From "How I Write: A Conversation with Nancy Packer"
Feb 3, 2011 at Stanford University
(Available from iTunes U)

A writer's process is often as interesting as the writing. Here are some excerpts from a conversation with Nancy Packer.

On the process:

I realized you didn't have to be a genius... Not everyone is Faulkner. That there is room... it was not closed to me... That was an important lesson.

Don't share your work with your friends. Share it with people who know what they're doing.

Chekhov said to his brother - go to Moscow where you can find other writers. Go where there are writers. 

If you're trying to write, you can't wash socks or mow the lawn... you have to have a regular time. Once I had that established, then I was okay. ... I did the work. I stayed at the typewriter. ... Three pages and out.

On the audience:

You're not writing for yourself... You write to communicate with somebody. Who is it that you're trying to communicate with? 

Frank O'Connor once said that he wrote for the man in the armchair. 

I'm writing for ... somebody like me who isn't a writer. ... That's my audience. ... I'm not going to write down to try to appeal to an audience, because my audience doesn't want that. 

On why:

That moment when what you've just done is exactly right. ... Maybe a sentence, maybe a word, but whatever it was, was exactly perfect.

The story starts with a character and then the character takes over. 

I never gave up my writing. I never gave up wanting to be a successful writer, even during the darkest time.

http://events.stanford.edu/events/258/25871/
http://news.stanford.edu/stanfordtoday/ed/9607/9607np01.shtml

what the kids say

Tonight my 4-year-old looked up from his plate and said, "Is there meat in my hotdog?"

I don't like to lie to the kids. I knew I was on shaky ground. My kid doesn't like meat. Anymore, he doesn't like to eat anything except for candy and ice cream. He used to eat mac & cheese and apples and pizza. Even these go-to foods are no longer a sure bet.

"You know," I said, "it's a hot dog." So that's not really an answer, and it's possibly a lie by omission. But incredibly, it seemed to work, and he went back to eating. It was only good for two more bites and then, pushing back from the table, he declared it wasn't the kind of hot dog he usually likes.

My older son just turned six, and he's making relevant observations about his world all the time. It's hard to keep up with everything the kids say, but I won't soon forget that he got in trouble for calling his teacher a name. What name?

"I called my teacher Fatty McBeautiful. She didn't like the Fatty Mc part."

He didn't laugh once telling me this. The other morning while getting ready for school, he turned to me with a serious expression on his face.

"You know what? When a burp loses its way, it comes out of your butt."

These are typical conversations at my house. My kids love fat stuff and anything to do with farts.

I've heard that your brain can only hold so much new information. It becomes saturated, and after that, all new information pushes out the old stuff. I know I should feel horrible, but I can't remember what it is I've forgotten.

this is a sign

Check it out.
Good and evil have united to help me write my novel!

dude! out of the mouths...

My children use the word dude to address adults. I'm not sure how it happened, but it has.

A few weeks ago we were hiking in the woods of NC when we came across a woman walking her dog. My 4-year-old must have been impressed. A few minutes later we came across a man and a woman, sans dog. My son says, "Lady and dude, where's your dog?"

My 5-year-old is no better. Tonight as we're walking on the sidewalk of a strip mall, a motorcycle pulls up and parks right in front of us. The boys are ecstatic! They say things like, "Whoa! I've never seen a motorcycle park before!"

The driver, you can tell, is grinning at having an audience. The grin didn't last long. The biker dismounts, and we continue on our way. But just on the other side of a van we see another motorcycle--a little more chrome, a little more oomph. My 5-year-old turns back to the biker and yells, "Hey dude! This bike's bigger than yours!"

No amount of arm pulling and teeth gritting can stop that from happening. Whatever happened to children being seen and not heard? I'm fairly certain that maxim was invented for people like my kids. And yet... I kind of don't care.

So, they call adults dudes... In the grand scheme of things it could be much worse. My kids are happy and healthy and we have a good time when we're out together. This is one of those things that prompts my mother to observe, "If your grandmother was here, she'd have a stroke!"

It's not just the dude thing, it's a lot of things. I'm raising my kids a lot differently than I was raised. I would never on my life have called an adult dude. I would probably have been punished. Maybe that's why I don't do it to my kids? Maybe I don't want to overreact and so I'm under-reacting? I say to them, Instead of dude to get someone's attention, you might say excuse me.

But they know, and I know, that excuse me doesn't pack the same wallop as Dude!

dear visitor from edinburgh

Hi! I'm writing a story set partly in Scotland, so it would be great if you would follow me either here or at twitter.

Thanks!

ah, the smell of lignin...

Sunday afternoon I visited a Barnes & Noble. As soon as I entered the store, I smelled the air—books! Why is it that books smell so good? I prefer the smell of a bookstore to candles, handmade soap, even coffee.

Once I’ve made a purchase and settle down to read, I open the book, bury my nose in the pages, and breathe in. Smelling a book is a sensuous experience. I can identify what I think of as ink, pulp, glue, but really the fix is in enjoying all the smells as a single entity. New books, old books--these are the smells of adventure and heartbreak, dragons and aliens.

From ymfy ~
Lignin, the stuff that prevents all trees from adopting the weeping habit, is a polymer made up of units that are closely related to vanillin. When made into paper and stored for years, it breaks down and smells good. Which is how divine providence has arranged for secondhand bookstores to smell like good quality vanilla absolute, subliminally stoking a hunger for knowledge in all of us.

Cool things about books ~

> Bookshelf porn has cool photos, from which I took the one I used for this post. Love the photos on this site!

> Some science type stuff behind what's in the smell of old books and why they smell so good.

> This is kinda dumb, but I can't resist, for ebooks mavens, book smell in a spray. If only...

an april fool...

This year no one yelled for me to come look at some deer in the back yard. No one called to tell me my dog had eaten a bag of chocolate, or that they'd run out of gas on the highway, and I'd have to come get them during rush hour. The fool is the jester, the one everyone likes to make fun of, to laugh at. April Fool's Day is a way of celebrating this merriment.

I'm not especially keen on the whole thing--I'm usually made to feel the fool. This year, happily, the day has passed without me getting totally wrapped around the axle about some odd thing, only to have some jokester yell, April Fool! and laugh at my distress.

The fool is not all bad. It's a caricature that has been around forever. Two things I like about the fool. In tarot, the fool is a dreamer. When you pull the fool card, it's like getting a do-over. In Shakespeare, the fool is a misnomer; the fool outwits and entertains.

And so, in the spirit of the dreamer, here are some lines from one of my favorite fools, Puck.


















If we shadows have offended,
Think but this, and all is mended,
That you have but slumber'd here
While these visions did appear.
And this weak and idle theme,
No more yielding but a dream,
Gentles, do not reprehend:
if you pardon, we will mend:
And, as I am an honest Puck,
If we have unearned luck
Now to 'scape the serpent's tongue,
We will make amends ere long;
Else the Puck a liar call;
So, good night unto you all.
Give me your hands, if we be friends,
And Robin shall restore amends.
(A Midsummer Night's Dream, Act v. Scene i.)

guest blogging

I think guest blogging is a fantastic idea! Thanks to The Quotable Lit crew for featuring me as a guest blogger in February. They published Chaos, Art & Revolution. It looks much better on their site than on mine.

If you're in feeling foolish, come to The Venue this Friday, April 1st in Norfolk on 35th street. It's open mike night, so bring something to read.

You're my friend so much!

Tomorrow is Saint Valentine's Day ~ patron of love, young people, and happy marriages...
Who can not love this day!
The boys and I have happily cut out paper hearts and glued on sparkles for several hours. They are really excited for tomorrow. They know they will be handing out and receiving valentines. They each have a bag with their name on it to put their cards in.

They helped me to make valentines for their teachers too.


For Beren, his biggest challenge today was trying to understand why he couldn't eat the gummie bears that I bought for his class. I made 11 little bags and tied them with a blue hearts ribbon.

Spending this time with the boys is the best! Beren's Valentine's Day cards are 3-D dinosaur cards. They're cute! One of them is a triceratops and it reads "You're tops!"

Fenn's are Clone Wars, and he helped me write little notes to his classmates.
Here are a few of my faves...

Thomas - "I bet Thomas would love a jedi!"
Aiden - "You're the best bro ever!"
Kate - (we had to do 3 different cards for Kate until Fenn was happy.) "Kate is pretty."
Willow - "A really nice girl!"
Emma - "She teaches me how to gurgle right..."
Caleb - "You're the best cool dude ever!"
Carter - "I loved your birthday party!"
Michaela - "You are so important!"
... and my personal favorite
Madison - "You're my friend so much!"

The Ham in the Sandwich

A guy from work said he read my blog yesterday, and experiences the same feelings on his own projects. That's good to know. Thanks, John!

I don't usually write much on the weekends. I'm going to start this weekend early--not writing! I don't want to get too bogged down. I think it's okay to take a break from the page. I wrote a little bit today--maybe a sentence. Believe it or not, I have other writing projects that I'm doing. Book #2 is at 87 pages. I just switched over to that one. I'm workshopping it in some form or fashion on Sunday, so it's actually appropriate that I take a look at it.

Today I talked to my dad about some decisions I'm making. When I asked him if he was okay with it, he said, "Look, I'm not the ham in that sandwich!"

Is that too vague? Here is what I'm trying to say: I've got a full plate. I'm starting to think that other areas of life are creeping into my creative field of vision. Until I can get other stuff worked out, creativity will suffer. No matter how often I come to the page, my head's going to be crammed w/ some non-creative crap.

So, it's good that my dad is cool with what I'm doing. Because I'm at the point where, even though I care what he thinks, I have to do what is necessary no matter.

Shockingly, there are actually some other things I need to think about besides writing. This weekend I need a serious MAE-DAY! What is it with us Walkers and our sandwiches?

Artists Working Daily

When artists are working regularly, they are spiritually centered. The act of making art is a spiritual act and our daily exposure to this realm does have an impact on our personality.
- Julia Cameron, December 2010

There is no cure for being insecure about the work except to do the work. I’m not sure who said that, but it wasn’t me. I’m only thinking it over and over. It’s my mantra for this day… That’s right. I’ve reached WRITER’S FUNK.

There is no way around doing the work except to not do the work. And if not doing the work is not an option, you are only left to do the work.

Today I have struggled so much. I believed I might have come to an impasse. I am not writing organically anymore. It’s all forced.

Today I have spent a lot of time envisioning that I will not finish my book.

I spent time thinking about how it wasn’t any good.

I spent time thinking about how it cannot be published.

I’ve been working on a novel for 5 months and now… a FUNK.

I checked out some web sites—one of them was Julia Cameron’s site, and that’s where I got the quote above.

I did some desperation searches on the Internet, like, how to finish your novel. I looked up plot. I am feeling like I’m not anywhere close to being finished.

I spent time getting the PATH of the boat worked out. (There is a boat in the book.)

Then I spent time getting the TOC worked out.

Then I spent time thinking about how I had nothing left to write. And all of these things are not actually helping me, because I’m not writing NEW material. I’m just fooling around w/ what I’ve already done. If I had anything new to write, I would do that instead.

I counted my total number of chapters: 32. I counted how many I have written already: 23.

Of the 23 chapters I’ve already written, at least 9 need serious help.

That still leaves 9 more chapters that I need to write from scratch. Somehow that seems like a lot.

I printed out a list of the chapters. Then I put a check mark next to the chapters that I had already written, and it seemed like such an easy thing.

I do not remember struggling over every word of the previous chapters. But I must have.

I do not remember having a head full of self-doubt. But I always do.

I took some advice today from one of the places that I looked up online to get help. This person said to make sure you know how the novel ends.

I think I already know how it ends. Though I do not know everything, I know some things. And I moved forward on my book today, focusing on the SOME that I already know.

Yep, and I missed yoga. But I was thinking about my story.

I wrote almost 3 pages today of new material. And this is a day that I spent practically the entire day thinking that it was all bunk.

I can only hope that during my rewrite—which I am greatly looking forward to—that I will find the voice and story and plot in this book. I’m looking forward to the rewrite b/c I have a little bit of hope that this book will start to take its shape. I suspect that editing might be a little easier than cold writing.

There is no cure for being insecure about the work except to do the work. When the words flow, that’s the best.

If there are people at BOOT tonight, I will need to get some help to get out of this writing funk.

Word count: 69,468
Page count: 285

Taking a Break

No posts for a while--doctor's orders! I'm not kidding. My doc says I'm not getting enough sleep. Since I'm already working on several other writing projects, I need to lay low on this for a while.

Till next time...

Query Letters

Query letters are little gems that you have to write to introduce yourself and your writing and your piece, along with mention of any research and previous publications. You should know the editor's name and what they are looking for. Your tone should be appropriate to the journal/magazine/publishing house by whom you wish to be published.

I have a stash of query letters; however, I'm not consistent at sending out my work. I'm really busy - it's not just an excuse. Right now I'm sitting on one of my kid's beds listening to him snore, and typing in the dark. Thank goodness for light-up keyboards, which I insisted on getting on my last purchase of a laptop. I knew I'd be spending a lot of time in the dark with my keyboard.

Back to the subject at hand... all previously written query letters are slightly different one from the other, and none apply to my current essay. Therefore, the hours spent on typing up query letters in the past have only just prepared me to type up a new one again; they were practice.

I have an essay I'd like to submit to a family-type magazine, and I'm going over their submission guidelines. They want to know everything about the essay, but they don't want to see the actual essay. Huh? They only want to know about it. And they want this distillation in about a page.

Why not just ask to read the essay?

And they want experts and citations. My little essay is not really bent that way, but I can tweak it. I need to count words and see if I can fit the rather lengthy essay into a publishable format. So there will be cutting...

This is only the first place I'm thinking of sending it. In all, by the time I have written and polished a piece, and it's just sitting there looking pretty, there is still a lot to do. So I'm going to *sigh* write up a draft query, and look up a couple of statistics before I can join my kids in their snoring.

The Yard(a poem from my dad about his yard)

Now, that I have retired I wonder how much I perspired

To get all the stuff and gear, and buy the house that I have here.

I think of working days & hours required to be a success or get fired.

As I remember it then, we had a yard, house and a den,

I don’t think it was quite so hard to maintain that yard.

That yard was the place you went when your mother’s patience was spent.

You kids are driving me nuts go outside or I’ll beat your butts.

So out we went to hide and seek, dig holes, make forts, catch snakes, and kick the can

And I never remember my Dad being mad when he saw the fun we had.

He knew what a yard was for, to entertain your kids and others by the score.

They were glad that all that mess, was out where it should be…

Because that was purpose of the yard you see.

Now things have changed and I lament, the yard is gone and in its stead

I have some crappy flower bed. Now I have lots of time and I find the yard job is mine.

And the yard is not a place for recreate or play; it’s become my job, my work all day.

It no longer takes a couple of hours, to mow the grass and plant a flower.

Even now that I’m an old fart, the yard has become a work of art.

I have to visit the GOD's at Lowes each day, buying stuff to keep it perfect that way.

The work has grown, the task too hard, so I have employees to tend the yard.

What we used to do with shovel rake and hoe, they have machines that whack, grind and blow.

It now reminds me of days of old, when I was boss and my people I told,

Get busy you buggers all, blow the leaves, can’t you see its fall.

And just like then as I order them about, they look at me as I shout,

What’s this asshole talking about…

Dave Walker

Being a Stoner

In the mid-1850's a woman named Lucy Stone married Henry Blackwell, and kept her maiden last name. This was just not done at the time, and you can imagine some of the struggles they went through. She had to sign documents as "Lucy Stone, wife of Henry Blackwell." This couple lived a long, happy life together, and Lucy was supported in her decision by Henry.

By the early 1900's the expression "being a Lucy Stoner" referred to a woman who chose not to change her last name.

According to one source, 80% of women today take their husbands’ last names when they marry. But what happens if you like your last name? What if you don’t want to change it? Go back 20, 30, 40 years ago and remember what it was like. Did you know anyone who kept her last name after she was married? Was she a bad mom?

If we women are confused, you can bet our men will be too. If I don’t change my last name, does that mean I don’t love him? Does that mean I am planning to leave him in a few years?

Let’s consider a world in which men change their last names when they marry. Think of the business implications where brand recognition is critical. You hear slogans: our name is everything; all we have is our good name; we stand behind our name. Do women have the same luxury?

When a woman hits her stride in her profession, it becomes more difficult to change her name. Given the high state of separation and divorce and throw in the prospect of changing your professional name more than once or even twice, and things start to get complicated.

How is a prospective employer supposed to know, when they contact a previous employer, that my name used to be something else? Many HR firms are doing this research without first consulting the job candidate. Everything is automated and electronic.

Your name is your identity. It’s part of who you are. It suggests things about you and may connote your ethnicity, heritage, religion, and more. It stands to reason that people will also have opinions about a “Fitzpatrick” or a “Goldberg” or, in today’s world, an “Ali.”

Taking someone else’s name is not an easy decision for everyone. The other 20% of women who keep their names, these so-called "Lucy Stoners," have healthy families and loving spouses and work to keep the family feeling comfortable, of course they do. It doesn’t make them any less of a good wife, good mother, or a good person. To propagate that old stereotype in today’s world is a shame.

The practice of changing one’s name is a social construction. It’s not the law, and it was never the law! To young women: you don’t have to change your name. Many choose not to and for many different reasons. Guess what? The world doesn't come to an end; your friends will still be your friends; your parents will still be your parents.

There are many reasons why a woman chooses not change her name. I wish I had known one woman like that when I was growing up.

For more go to the Lucy Stoner League page. And sorry for being so misleading in the title - ha!