Being a Stoner

In the mid-1850's a woman named Lucy Stone married Henry Blackwell, and kept her maiden last name. This was just not done at the time, and you can imagine some of the struggles they went through. She had to sign documents as "Lucy Stone, wife of Henry Blackwell." This couple lived a long, happy life together, and Lucy was supported in her decision by Henry.

By the early 1900's the expression "being a Lucy Stoner" referred to a woman who chose not to change her last name.

According to one source, 80% of women today take their husbands’ last names when they marry. But what happens if you like your last name? What if you don’t want to change it? Go back 20, 30, 40 years ago and remember what it was like. Did you know anyone who kept her last name after she was married? Was she a bad mom?

If we women are confused, you can bet our men will be too. If I don’t change my last name, does that mean I don’t love him? Does that mean I am planning to leave him in a few years?

Let’s consider a world in which men change their last names when they marry. Think of the business implications where brand recognition is critical. You hear slogans: our name is everything; all we have is our good name; we stand behind our name. Do women have the same luxury?

When a woman hits her stride in her profession, it becomes more difficult to change her name. Given the high state of separation and divorce and throw in the prospect of changing your professional name more than once or even twice, and things start to get complicated.

How is a prospective employer supposed to know, when they contact a previous employer, that my name used to be something else? Many HR firms are doing this research without first consulting the job candidate. Everything is automated and electronic.

Your name is your identity. It’s part of who you are. It suggests things about you and may connote your ethnicity, heritage, religion, and more. It stands to reason that people will also have opinions about a “Fitzpatrick” or a “Goldberg” or, in today’s world, an “Ali.”

Taking someone else’s name is not an easy decision for everyone. The other 20% of women who keep their names, these so-called "Lucy Stoners," have healthy families and loving spouses and work to keep the family feeling comfortable, of course they do. It doesn’t make them any less of a good wife, good mother, or a good person. To propagate that old stereotype in today’s world is a shame.

The practice of changing one’s name is a social construction. It’s not the law, and it was never the law! To young women: you don’t have to change your name. Many choose not to and for many different reasons. Guess what? The world doesn't come to an end; your friends will still be your friends; your parents will still be your parents.

There are many reasons why a woman chooses not change her name. I wish I had known one woman like that when I was growing up.

For more go to the Lucy Stoner League page. And sorry for being so misleading in the title - ha!