The Ham in the Sandwich

A guy from work said he read my blog yesterday, and experiences the same feelings on his own projects. That's good to know. Thanks, John!

I don't usually write much on the weekends. I'm going to start this weekend early--not writing! I don't want to get too bogged down. I think it's okay to take a break from the page. I wrote a little bit today--maybe a sentence. Believe it or not, I have other writing projects that I'm doing. Book #2 is at 87 pages. I just switched over to that one. I'm workshopping it in some form or fashion on Sunday, so it's actually appropriate that I take a look at it.

Today I talked to my dad about some decisions I'm making. When I asked him if he was okay with it, he said, "Look, I'm not the ham in that sandwich!"

Is that too vague? Here is what I'm trying to say: I've got a full plate. I'm starting to think that other areas of life are creeping into my creative field of vision. Until I can get other stuff worked out, creativity will suffer. No matter how often I come to the page, my head's going to be crammed w/ some non-creative crap.

So, it's good that my dad is cool with what I'm doing. Because I'm at the point where, even though I care what he thinks, I have to do what is necessary no matter.

Shockingly, there are actually some other things I need to think about besides writing. This weekend I need a serious MAE-DAY! What is it with us Walkers and our sandwiches?

Artists Working Daily

When artists are working regularly, they are spiritually centered. The act of making art is a spiritual act and our daily exposure to this realm does have an impact on our personality.
- Julia Cameron, December 2010

There is no cure for being insecure about the work except to do the work. I’m not sure who said that, but it wasn’t me. I’m only thinking it over and over. It’s my mantra for this day… That’s right. I’ve reached WRITER’S FUNK.

There is no way around doing the work except to not do the work. And if not doing the work is not an option, you are only left to do the work.

Today I have struggled so much. I believed I might have come to an impasse. I am not writing organically anymore. It’s all forced.

Today I have spent a lot of time envisioning that I will not finish my book.

I spent time thinking about how it wasn’t any good.

I spent time thinking about how it cannot be published.

I’ve been working on a novel for 5 months and now… a FUNK.

I checked out some web sites—one of them was Julia Cameron’s site, and that’s where I got the quote above.

I did some desperation searches on the Internet, like, how to finish your novel. I looked up plot. I am feeling like I’m not anywhere close to being finished.

I spent time getting the PATH of the boat worked out. (There is a boat in the book.)

Then I spent time getting the TOC worked out.

Then I spent time thinking about how I had nothing left to write. And all of these things are not actually helping me, because I’m not writing NEW material. I’m just fooling around w/ what I’ve already done. If I had anything new to write, I would do that instead.

I counted my total number of chapters: 32. I counted how many I have written already: 23.

Of the 23 chapters I’ve already written, at least 9 need serious help.

That still leaves 9 more chapters that I need to write from scratch. Somehow that seems like a lot.

I printed out a list of the chapters. Then I put a check mark next to the chapters that I had already written, and it seemed like such an easy thing.

I do not remember struggling over every word of the previous chapters. But I must have.

I do not remember having a head full of self-doubt. But I always do.

I took some advice today from one of the places that I looked up online to get help. This person said to make sure you know how the novel ends.

I think I already know how it ends. Though I do not know everything, I know some things. And I moved forward on my book today, focusing on the SOME that I already know.

Yep, and I missed yoga. But I was thinking about my story.

I wrote almost 3 pages today of new material. And this is a day that I spent practically the entire day thinking that it was all bunk.

I can only hope that during my rewrite—which I am greatly looking forward to—that I will find the voice and story and plot in this book. I’m looking forward to the rewrite b/c I have a little bit of hope that this book will start to take its shape. I suspect that editing might be a little easier than cold writing.

There is no cure for being insecure about the work except to do the work. When the words flow, that’s the best.

If there are people at BOOT tonight, I will need to get some help to get out of this writing funk.

Word count: 69,468
Page count: 285